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We accept the love we think we deserve

We accept the love we think we deserve

The quote, “We accept the love we think we deserve,” penned by Stephen Chbosky in “The Perks of Being a Wallflower,” beckons us to reflect on the quality of love we allow ourselves to receive. It touches upon our sense of self-worth, self-esteem, and the subconscious criteria we set for our relationships. In navigating the intricate pathways of love and relationships, it is crucial to delve into the depths of our consciousness to understand what we truly believe we deserve.

Understanding Self-Worth

A. Definition and Importance:

Self-worth refers to the opinion we hold about ourselves and the value we attribute to our being. It is the foundation upon which our relationships are built. A strong sense of self-worth ensures that we seek love that is nurturing, kind, and respectful, while a diminished sense of worth can lead to accepting love that is detrimental to our well-being.

B. Impact on Relationships:

A healthy level of self-worth acts as a compass, guiding us towards relationships that are enriching and fulfilling. When we value ourselves, we establish boundaries and expect respect, kindness, and love, preventing toxic relationships from taking root.

The Concept of Deservingness

A. Perceptions of Deservingness:

Our beliefs about what we deserve stem from our upbringing, experiences, and inherent self-worth. These beliefs form the blueprint of our relationships, dictating the type, quality, and longevity of the love we accept.

B. Conditioning and Past Experiences:

From early childhood, our surroundings, experiences, and interactions shape our perceptions of love and deservingness. Positive reinforcements and loving relationships bolster our self-worth, while negative experiences can result in a skewed perspective on love.

The Intersection of Love and Self-Worth

A. Receiving Love:

The love we receive is a reflection of our internal beliefs about what we deserve. It mirrors our self-worth, providing insight into our deepest, often subconscious, perceptions about our value in the realm of love.

B. The Cycle of Acceptance and Denial:

Our acceptance of certain kinds of love reinforces our beliefs about deservingness. When we accept unhealthy relationships, it further ingrains the notion that we are unworthy of better, creating a vicious cycle of diminishing self-worth and deteriorating relationships.

We accept the love we think we deserve
We accept the love we think we deserve

Transforming Self-Worth

A. Identifying Unhealthy Patterns:

Breaking free from the cycle of accepting detrimental love begins with recognizing unhealthy patterns in relationships. Evaluating past and present relationships provides insight into the alignment between perceived self-worth and received love.

B. Cultivating Self-Love:

Investing time and effort into self-love is crucial for altering perceptions of deservingness. Practicing self-compassion, engaging in self-care, and embracing one’s worthiness are fundamental steps towards accepting healthier, more fulfilling love.

Manifesting Love through Elevated Self-Worth

A. Setting Boundaries:

Establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries is a reflection of self-respect and an essential component in manifesting love that aligns with elevated self-worth.

B. The Role of Patience:

Patience in cultivating self-worth and seeking aligned love is essential. Transforming ingrained beliefs and patterns takes time, effort, and consistent dedication to self-improvement.


A. The Journey to Self-Worth:

The journey to accepting the love we truly deserve is intertwined with our voyage to elevated self-worth. It is a continuous process of self-discovery, self-love, and self-improvement, requiring commitment, introspection, and an unwavering belief in our intrinsic value.

B. Embracing Wholesome Love:

In recognizing and embracing our true worth, we open the doors to a world of love that is nurturing, respectful, and fulfilling. By rejecting detrimental love, we affirm our deservingness of a love that is a true reflection of our highest selves.

Final Thoughts

“We accept the love we think we deserve” is not merely a string of words but a profound revelation about our internal world and its manifestation in our relationships. It invites us to reflect, question, and ultimately transcend our limiting beliefs about love and self-worth. By embracing our worthiness, we pave the way for a love that is harmonious with our true selves, allowing us to experience the full spectrum of love’s transformative power.

Also Read: If we wait until we’re ready, we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives

shashi shekhar

Completed my PGDM from IMS Ghaziabad, specialized in (Marketing and H.R) "I truly believe that continuous learning is key to success because of which I keep on adding to my skills and knowledge."

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